Mark Twain

If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.

We can't reach old age by another man's road.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

The secret to success: find out where people are going and get there first

I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes.

I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.

Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.

Schoolboy days are no happier than the days of afterlife, but we look back upon them regretfully because we have forgotten our punishments at school and how we grieved when our marbles were lost and our kites destroyed – because we have forgotten all the sorrows and privations of the canonized ethic and remember only its orchard robberies, its wooden-sword pageants, and its fishing holidays.

She kept up her compliments, and I kept up my determination to deserve them or die.

When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers.

Just because you’re taught that something’s right and everyone believes it’s right, it don’t make it right.

There is no such thing as an ordinary life.

When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them--then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are far apart.

Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilt.

How empty is theory in the presence of fact!