Connubial Because with alarming accuracy she’d been identifying patterns I was unaware of—this tic, that tendency, like the way I've mastered the language of intimacy in order to conceal how I felt— I knew I was in danger of being terribly understood.
Interpretation
The quote reflects the fear of being truly understood in an intimate relationship.
In this quote, Stephen Dunn expresses a profound concern about the vulnerability that comes with being deeply understood by a partner. He illustrates how his partner has recognized his hidden patterns and tendencies, which makes him feel exposed. This connection highlights the complexities and nuances of intimacy, revealing the tension between the desire for closeness and the fear of being completely seen, flaws and all. It suggests that while intimacy can bring comfort and understanding, it can also lead to discomfort when one is faced with the reality of being 'terribly understood'.
In practice
In a relationship advice workshop, one might reference this quote to discuss the challenges of emotional vulnerability.
What feeling feels like over time. An attempt to screw up what feeling feels like over time. Heartbreak and a high C.... The often welcome melodic lie.... The soul's undersong. The orchestration of randomness, a flirtation with the boundaries of silence and space.... a reminder that the self wants to disappear, be taken away from itself and returned.
I make myself up from everything I am, or could be. For many years I was more desire than fact. When I stop becoming, that’s when I worry.
That good disposition which boasts of being most tender is often stifled by the least urging of self-interest.
Even though my mother had told me growing up that, 'If you win, nobody cares what color you are,' that wasn't necessarily true in the N.F.L.
During my teens and early 20s, I proved to be anything but what most people expected Billy Graham's son to be. I'm so thankful he never gave up on me or quit loving me.
I never ceased to be surprised when southern whites, at their homes or clubs, told racial jokes and spoke so derogatorily of blacks while longtime servants, for whom they quite clearly had some affection, were well within earshot.
Then a strange thing happened. She turned to him and smiled, and as he saw her smile every rag of anger and hurt vanity dropped from him — as though his very moods were but the outer ripples of her own, as though emotion rose no longer in his breast unless she saw fit to pull an omnipotent controlling thread.
When you write about animals, of course, you are really writing about the people who love and live with them. Animals mirror and reveal us. Dogs in particular are often reflections of us, and what we need them to be.
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