I went to a doctor and told him I felt normal on acid, that I was a light bulb in a world of moths. That is what the manic state is like.
Interpretation
Carrie Fisher describes the surreal experience of mania as feeling out of place yet brightly alive.
In this quote, Carrie Fisher offers a vivid metaphor for the manic state often experienced in bipolar disorder. By comparing herself to a light bulb surrounded by moths, she conveys a sense of heightened awareness and vibrancy that feels both illuminating and isolating in a world filled with those who are drawn to her light, but may not truly understand her condition. This highlights the dual nature of mental health—where one can feel both alive and alienated.
In practice
In a mental health awareness talk, this quote can illustrate the complexities of living with bipolar disorder.
I trust myself. I trust my instincts. I know what I'm gonna do, what I can do, what I can't do. I've been through a lot, and I could go through more, but I hope I don't have to. But if I did, I'd be able to do it. I'm not going to enjoy dying, but there's not much prep for that.
Over time, I've paid attention, taken notes and forgotten easily half of everything I've gone through.
There's a line I have that our family was designed more for public than for private. But there are definitely some things that are only mine. I am someone who dreams at night, and you don't know what I'm dreaming.
You know how most illnesses have symptoms you can recognize? Like fever, upset stomach, chills, whatever. Well, with manic depression, it's sexual promiscuity, excessive spending, and substance abuse - and that just sounds like a fantastic weekend in Vegas to me!
I am truly a product of Hollywood in-breeding. When two celebrities mate, someone like me is the result.
People are still asking me if I knew Star Wars was going to be that big of a hit. Yes, we all knew. The only one who didn't know was George.
Mania is as bad as it gets. If not treated, it will become worse, more frequent, and harder to treat.
Years of depression have robbed me of that—well, that give, that elasticity that everyone else calls perspective.
I've never had a sustained period of medication for mental illness when I've not been on other drugs as well. It's just not something that I particularly feel I need. I know that I have dramatically changing moods, and I know sometimes I feel really depressed, but I think that's just life. I don't think of it as, "Ah, this is mental illness," more as, "Today, life makes me feel very sad." I know I also get unnaturally high levels of energy and quickness of thought, but I'm able to utilize that.
It can be difficult for people to talk about it, because there still is that stigma around mental illness. But I would encourage people to do that, because they'll be surprised once they do 'come out' how many other people have had similar experiences.
When I was coming out of depression, I made one random video. It wasn't funny or anything, but just the idea that people I didn't know were watching it made me feel less alone than I'd felt in a long time.
You can't fix yourself out of a mental health issue. You can't wake up and say, 'Today I'm not being depressed!' It's a process to get well, but there is recovery.
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