HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.
Interpretation
This quote humorously defines a husband as someone who takes on the responsibility of cleaning up after a meal.
Ambrose Bierce's definition of 'husband' cleverly highlights the often mundane and humorous aspects of marital roles, suggesting that a husband is defined more by his responsibilities after dining than by any romantic qualities. The quote satirically points to the idea that marriage involves not only partnership but also a shared burden of domestic duties.
In practice
You could use this quote in a light-hearted speech during a wedding to break the ice.
PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed . . . . This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver.
Human nature is pretty well balanced; for every lacking virtue there is a rough substitute that will serve at a pinch--as cunning is the wisdom of the unwise, and ferocity the courage of the coward.
Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'
Disobey n:To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command
NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.
PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
I've battled with that type of stuff, but what I've found is that by doing stand-up, I've actually learned about depression and how to combat it. I don't have clinical, but I've definitely had my bouts with it.
The humor is that finally when you have the power to move the mountain, you are the person who placed it there-so there the mountain stays.
Comedians' first ten minutes usually stay with them the first several years of their career. It's their mission statement. Their disclaimer that lets people know who they are. Or were. It's also a good time to make fun of your name if you have a funny or strange one.
You'd better get your laugh while you're making your point, or you won't be doing it very long.
Benchley and I had an office in the old Life magazine that was so tiny, if it were an inch smaller it would have been adultery.
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