MOST LIES succeed because no one goes through the work to figure out how to catch them.
Paul EkmanRead
In some instances, you may care so much about the person who has hurt you, or be so unable to be angry with him (or with anyone), that you rationalize his hurtful acts by finding some basis in your own actions for his hurtful behavior; you then feel guilty rather than angry. Put in other terms, you become angry with yourself rather than with the one who hurt you.
Interpretation
What this quote means
This quote explores how one's emotional response to hurt can be redirected inward, causing guilt instead of anger towards the person who caused the pain.
Paul Ekman's quote delves into the complexity of human emotions, particularly in relationships where hurt is involved. It highlights the tendency of individuals to empathize deeply with those who hurt them, often leading to self-blame and guilt rather than expressing anger towards the offender. This phenomenon illustrates how emotional reasoning can cause people to internalize pain and shift their focus away from the harm inflicted upon them, instead placing the burden of responsibility on themselves.
Themes
GuiltAngerRelationshipsEmpathySelf-Reflection
In practice
Example use cases
This quote could be shared in a therapy session to discuss emotional processing.
More from Paul Ekman
All quotes →It is our responsibility to learn to become emotionally intelligent. These are skills, they’re not easy, nature didn’t give them to us - we have to learn them.
Paul EkmanRead
Similar quotes
And I said to myself that he was the first thing that I had ever missed in my life.
Charles BukowskiRead
Eye contact was a delicate matter. A quarter second of a shared glance was a violation of agreements that made the city operational.
Don DelilloRead
Community is the fruit of our capacity to make the interests of others more important than our own.
Henri NouwenRead
If you care about somebody, you should want them to be happy. Even if you wind up being left out.
Stephen ChboskyRead
It's frightening when things you love appear suddenly changed from what you have always known.
Barbara KingsolverRead
Each person with his or her history of being accepted or rejected, with his or her past history of inner pain and difficulties in relationships, is different. But in each one there is a yearning for communion and belonging, but at the same time a fear of it. Love is what we most want, yet it is what we fear the most.
Jean VanierRead