An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way.
Interpretation
An intimate relationship allows both partners to be their true selves without fear of losing their identity.
This quote by Harriet Lerner emphasizes that true intimacy in relationships is built on the foundation of honesty and authenticity. It suggests that each partner should feel free to express both their strengths and vulnerabilities, fostering a space where neither feels the need to compromise their true self or silence their voice. By balancing these aspects, a deeper, more meaningful connection can be achieved.
In practice
In a relationship workshop, to illustrate emotional balance.
It is not fear that stops you from doing the brave and true thing in your daily life. Rather, the problem is avoidance. You want to feel comfortable so you avoid doing or saying the thing that will evoke fear and other difficult emotions. Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run but, it will never make you less afraid.
Telling a true story about personal experience is not just a matter of being oneself, or even or finding oneself. It is also a matter of choosing oneself.
Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.
If we only listened with the same passion that we feel about being heard.
Although the connections are not always obvious, personal change is inseparable from social and political change.
The baby explodes into an unknown world that is only knowable through some kind of a story – of course that is how we all live, it’s the narrative of our lives, but adoption drops you into the story after it has started. It’s like reading a book with the first few pages missing. It’s like arriving after curtain up. The feeling that something is missing never, ever leaves you – and it can’t, and it shouldn’t, because something is missing.
It's never a good deal when only one party thinks it is.
Dating or finding someone is the last thing on my mind.
With the advent of winter, her eyes seemed to take on a greater transparency, a transparency that lead nowhere. Occassionally, for no particular reason, Naoko would gaze into my eyes as if searching for something. Each time I was filled with odd sensations of lonliness and inadequecy.
Human beings are natural mimickers. The more youre conscious of the other sides posture, mannerisms, and word choices - and the more you subtly reflect those back - the more accurate youll be at taking their perspective.
Community is the fruit of our capacity to make the interests of others more important than our own.
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