a laotong relationship is made by choice...when we first looked in each other's eyes in the palanquin I felt something special pass between us--like a spark to start a fire or a seed to grow rice. But a single spark is not enough to warm a room nor is a single seed enough to grow a fruitful crop. Deep love--true-heart love--must grow.
Interpretation
A laotong relationship is a deep connection that requires nourishment and time to flourish.
In this quote, Lisa See reflects on the significance of a laotong relationship, emphasizing that the initial spark of attraction or connection between two people is just the beginning. For a true and deep love to develop, like a fire requiring kindling or a crop needing consistent care, it must be nurtured over time to blossom into something meaningful and lasting.
In practice
In a wedding speech, one might say, 'Remember that deep love must grow, just like a crop needs care over time.'
Nu shu means women's writing. And it was a secret writing system that was invented by women, used by women and kept a secret by women in one very remote county in China for a thousand years. It's the only language that was invented and used by women to have been found anywhere in the world.
I am still learning about love. I thought I understood it--not just mother love, but the love for one's parents, for one's husband, and for one's laotong. I've experienced the other types of love--pity love, respectful love and gratitude love. But looking at our secret fan with its messages written between Snow Flower and me over many years, I see that I didn't value the most important love--deep-heart love.
When I knew I couldn't suffer another moment of pain, and tears fell on my bloody bindings, my mother spoke softly into my ear, encouraging me to go one more hour, one more day, one more week, reminding me of the rewards I would have if I carried on a little longer. In this way, she taught me how to endure — not just the physical trials of footbinding and childbearing but the more torturous pain of the heart, mind, and soul.
Men often pass from love to ambition, but they seldom come back again from ambition to love.
People live for love. They kill for love. They die for love. They have songs, poems, novels, sculptures, paintings, myths, legends. It's one of the most powerful brain systems on Earth for both great joy and great sorrow.
We are here to love, not to judge. I'd been blaming and raging. I certainly wasn't loving my daughter that afternoon as God loves me. God's love doesn't insist on perfection or even good common sense. Why then should I demand more of those I love? With this tiny change in perspective I began to see the need for correction wasn't in my daughter, but in me.
Ceaseless as the interminable voices of the bell-cricket, all night till dawn my tears flow.
Love. Be curious. Always try to do your best.
Deep at the center of my being there is an infinite well of love. I now allow this love to flow to the surface.
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