Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Interpretation
The quote humorously suggests that honesty about one's ability to judge character can be a valid excuse for jury duty.
George Carlin's quote plays on the absurdity of trying to evade civic duties like jury duty by lying. Instead, he suggests a comical honesty where one claims they would excel as a juror due to their knack for identifying guilt, which flips the narrative from avoidance to a humorous form of pride in one's observational skills.
In practice
During a speech about civic responsibility.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I said, "I do not fear those pants with nobody inside them." I said, and said, and said those words. I said them but I lied them.
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.
When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools.
One place that I really feel comfortable is being a comedienne. I'm very socially inept. There's so many things that I can not do in life, and this is, like, the one thing that I have mastery over. It's my world. And anybody who's coming to the show, it's like they're coming because they know that this is my world.
I have ten commandments. The first nine are, thou shalt not bore. The tenth is, thou shalt have right of final cut.
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
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