I still think it's important for people to have a sharp, ongoing critique of marriage in patriarchal society — because once you marry within a society that remains patriarchal, no matter how alternative you want to be within your unit, there is still a culture outside you that will impose many, many values on you whether you want them to or not.
Interpretation
The quote emphasizes the need for critical examination of marriage within a patriarchal society and its influences.
Bell Hooks highlights the importance of maintaining a critical perspective on marriage, especially within a patriarchal culture. She argues that no matter how alternative a marriage may seem, the surrounding societal values will inevitably seep into the relationship, affecting dynamics and individual beliefs.
In practice
In a discussion about the dynamics of marriage in modern society, this quote could serve as a springboard for exploring patriarchal influences.
Privilege is not in and of itself bad; what matters is what we do with privilege. I want to live in a world where all women have access to education, and all women can earn PhD’s, if they so desire. Privilege does not have to be negative, but we have to share our resources and take direction about how to use our privilege in ways that empower those who lack it.
Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it our other efforts to love fail. Giving ourselves love we provide our inner being with the opportunity to have the unconditional love we may have always longed to receive from someone else.
While privacy strengthens all our bonds, secrecy weakens and damages connection. Lerner points out that we do not usually "know the emotional costs of keeping a secret" until the truth is disclosed. Usually, secrecy involves lying. And lying is always the setting for potential betrayal and violation of trust.
When we only name the problem, when we state complaint without a constructive focus or resolution, we take hope away. In this way critique can become merely an expression of profound cynicism, which then works to sustain dominator culture.
Once you do away with the idea of people as fixed, static entities, then you see that people can change, and there is hope.
Usually, when people talk about the "strength" of black women . . . . they ignore the reality that to be strong in the face of oppression is not the same as overcoming oppression, that endurance is not to be confused with transformation.
It’s hard to communicate anything exactly and that’s why perfect relationships between people are difficult to find.
The way I go about it is that we should all be inviting people into our lives who don't look like us, speak like us and don't come from where we come from.
He wanted to tell her that everything he had done he had done because he was broken, because watching her die had destroyed him, but there was no way to say it that didn’t sound like he was trying to pin the blame outside himself
The first breath of adultery is the freest; after it, constraints aping marriage develop.
Help one another: this is what Jesus teaches us and this what I am doing, and doing with all my heart.
Some people, you have to grit your teeth in order to stay in the same room as them, but you get on and ask the questions you assume most of the people watching want to ask.
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