I still think it's important for people to have a sharp, ongoing critique of marriage in patriarchal society — because once you marry within a society that remains patriarchal, no matter how alternative you want to be within your unit, there is still a culture outside you that will impose many, many values on you whether you want them to or not.
Interpretation
The quote emphasizes the need for critical examination of marriage within a patriarchal society and its influences.
Bell Hooks highlights the importance of maintaining a critical perspective on marriage, especially within a patriarchal culture. She argues that no matter how alternative a marriage may seem, the surrounding societal values will inevitably seep into the relationship, affecting dynamics and individual beliefs.
In practice
In a discussion about the dynamics of marriage in modern society, this quote could serve as a springboard for exploring patriarchal influences.
Privilege is not in and of itself bad; what matters is what we do with privilege. I want to live in a world where all women have access to education, and all women can earn PhD’s, if they so desire. Privilege does not have to be negative, but we have to share our resources and take direction about how to use our privilege in ways that empower those who lack it.
Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it our other efforts to love fail. Giving ourselves love we provide our inner being with the opportunity to have the unconditional love we may have always longed to receive from someone else.
While privacy strengthens all our bonds, secrecy weakens and damages connection. Lerner points out that we do not usually "know the emotional costs of keeping a secret" until the truth is disclosed. Usually, secrecy involves lying. And lying is always the setting for potential betrayal and violation of trust.
When we only name the problem, when we state complaint without a constructive focus or resolution, we take hope away. In this way critique can become merely an expression of profound cynicism, which then works to sustain dominator culture.
Once you do away with the idea of people as fixed, static entities, then you see that people can change, and there is hope.
Usually, when people talk about the "strength" of black women . . . . they ignore the reality that to be strong in the face of oppression is not the same as overcoming oppression, that endurance is not to be confused with transformation.
Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.
I find that people want aggressive policing if they as a community feel they are part of it. They don't want aggressive policing if they feel it's being imposed upon them and they are a target.
I know I have a very self-destructive tendency since my mother died, I have got to be honest.
We gave up everything just to sit at your table.
The type of human being we prefer reveals the contours of our heart.
Respect your fellow human being, treat them fairly, disagree with them honestly, enjoy their friendship, explore your thoughts about one another candidly, work together for a common goal and help one another achieve it. No destructive lies. No ridiculous fears. No debilitating anger.
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