I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.
Interpretation
This quote humorously reflects on the writer's struggle with traditional writing formats.
Erma Bombeck uses this quote to highlight her difficulties with structured writing, specifically when it came to obituaries. The humor lies in the absurdity of suggesting that the deceased should arrange themselves alphabetically, showcasing her self-deprecating wit and the idea that writing doesn't always have to follow strict conventions.
In practice
This quote could be used in a writing workshop to break the ice and discuss different writing styles.
We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.
Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
New York, like the Soviet Union, has this universal usefulness: It makes you glad you live elsewhere.
America has never quite forgiven Europe for having been discovered somewhat earlier in history than itself.
Fish and visitors stink in three days.
I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.
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