The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember.
Alice MillerRead
The grandiose person is never really free; first because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self-respect is dependent on qualities, functions, and achievements that can suddenly fail.
Interpretation
What this quote means
A grandiose person lacks true freedom as their self-worth relies on external validation and their achievements, which are uncertain.
Alice Miller's quote illuminates the concept that individuals with grandiose personalities may believe they have a high self-esteem, but this façade is built on fragile foundations. Their relentless need for admiration from others keeps them shackled to societal approval, and their self-worth fluctuates with their successes and failures, ultimately preventing genuine liberation and self-acceptance.
Themes
GrandiositySelf-WorthAdmirationFreedomSelf-Respect
In practice
Example use cases
This quote could be used in a discussion about the psychological aspects of self-esteem in a workshop.
More from Alice Miller
All quotes →The truth about childhood, as many of us have had to endure it, is inconceivable, scandalous, painful. Not uncommonly, it is monstrous. Invariably, it is repressed. To be confronted with this truth all at once and to try to integrate it into our consciousness, however ardently we may wish it, is clearly impossible.
Alice MillerRead
We don't yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation, if parents would respect them and take them seriously as people.
Alice MillerRead
I have never known a patient to portray his parents more negatively than he actually experienced them in childhood but always more positively--because idealization of his parents was essential for his survival.
Alice MillerRead
It is not true that evil, destructiveness , and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to this production of evil.
Alice MillerRead
Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.
Alice MillerRead
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