The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember.
Alice MillerRead
Many people suffer all their lives from this oppressive feeling of guilt, the sense of not having lived up to their parents' expectations. This feeling is stronger than any intellectual insight they might have, that it is not a child's task or duty to satisfy his parents needs. No argument can overcome these guilt feelings, for they have their beginnings in life's earliest periods, and from that they derive their intensity and obduracy.
Interpretation
What this quote means
The quote addresses the deep-rooted feelings of guilt that arise from not meeting parental expectations, which can persist throughout one's life.
Alice Miller highlights the powerful and often detrimental emotions tied to parental expectations. She argues that many individuals struggle with intense guilt stemming from their childhood, as they feel burdened by the belief that they must meet the desires of their parents. This guilt is not easily dispelled by rational thought, as it originates from early life experiences, making it a profound and persistent emotional challenge.
Themes
GuiltExpectationsParentsChildhoodPsychology
In practice
Example use cases
In a workshop on mental health, when discussing parental pressure, one could refer to this quote to highlight the emotional struggles many face.
More from Alice Miller
All quotes →The truth about childhood, as many of us have had to endure it, is inconceivable, scandalous, painful. Not uncommonly, it is monstrous. Invariably, it is repressed. To be confronted with this truth all at once and to try to integrate it into our consciousness, however ardently we may wish it, is clearly impossible.
Alice MillerRead
We don't yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation, if parents would respect them and take them seriously as people.
Alice MillerRead
I have never known a patient to portray his parents more negatively than he actually experienced them in childhood but always more positively--because idealization of his parents was essential for his survival.
Alice MillerRead
It is not true that evil, destructiveness , and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to this production of evil.
Alice MillerRead
Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.
Alice MillerRead
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