What of it? If I die, I die. It will be no great loss to the world, and I am thoroughly bored with life. I am like a man yawning at a ball; the only reason he does not go home to bed is that his carriage has not arrived yet.
I was modest--they accused me of being crafty: I became secretive. I felt deeply good and evil--nobody caressed me, everybody offended me: I became rancorous. I was gloomy--other children were merry and talkative. I felt myself superior to them--but was considered inferior: I became envious. I was ready to love the whole world--none understood me: and I learned to hate.
Interpretation
What this quote means
The quote reflects the transformation of a person's feelings and behavior in response to the perceptions and reactions of others.
Mikhail Lermontov's quote expresses the inner turmoil of an individual who feels misunderstood and marginalized. Initially modest, the speaker is accused of being deceitful, leading to secrecy. Experiences of good and evil, alongside feelings of superiority and inferiority, breed negativity, such as envy and hatred, stemming from a lack of connection and affection from others. It reveals how external judgments can warp one's internal landscape, transforming noble intentions into bitterness.
Themes
In practice
Example use cases
In a discussion about emotional struggles, one might quote this to illustrate how societal perceptions can shape personal identity.
More from Mikhail Lermontov
All quotes →I was lying, but I wanted to rouse him. I have an inborn urge to contradict; my whole life has been a mere chain of sad and futile opposition to the dictates of either heart or reason. The presence of an enthusiast makes me as cold as a midwinter's day, and, I believe, frequent association with a listless phlegmatic would make me an impassioned dreamer.
Anyone who has chanced like me to roam through desolate mountains and studied at length their fantastic shapes and drunk the invigorating air of their valleys can understand why I wish to describe and depict these magic scenes for others.
When we retire from the conventions of society and draw close to nature, we involuntarily become children: each attribute acquired by experience falls away from the soul, which becomes anew such as it was once and will surely be again.
I love enemies, though not in the Christian way. They amuse me, excite my blood. Being always on one’s guard, catching every glance, the significance of every word, guessing at intentions, frustrating their plots, pretending to be tricked, and suddenly, with a shove, upturning the whole enormous and arduously built edifice of their cunning and schemes—that’s what I call life.
Afraid of decision, I buried my finer feelings in the depths of my heart and they died there.
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