Perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. But then perhaps this is what lovers are.
Interpretation
The quote suggests that deep friendship can be the foundation of romantic relationships.
Andr Aciman reflects on the nature of relationships, proposing that strong romantic connections often stem from a solid friendship. This interplay between friendship and love highlights the idea that true intimacy may develop from genuine understanding and companionship first, before evolving into a romantic relationship, suggesting that such a progression can strengthen the bond between partners.
In practice
I shared this quote during my wedding vows to emphasize our deep friendship.
As we walked, I began to wonder what the opposite of molting was and why, unlike the body, which sheds everything, the soul cannot let go but compiles and accumulates, growing annual rings around the things it wants and dreams and remembers
And on that evening when we grow older still we'll speak about these two young men as though they were two strangers we met on the train and whom we admire and want to help along. And we'll want to call it envy, because to call it regret would break our hearts.
I had traded the fight against love for the fight against loneliness, the fight against life for the fight against death.
And now Iβm looking at you,β he said, βand youβre asking me if I still want you, as if I could stop loving you. As if I would want to give up the thing that makes me stronger than anything else ever has. I never dared give much of myself to anyone before β bits of myself to the Lightwoods, to Isabelle and Alec, but it took years to do it β but, Clary, since the first time I saw you, I have belonged to you completely. I still do. If you want me.
Love is the Cross, and the Cross is Love.
If love wants you; if you've been melted down to stars, you will love with lungs and gills; with feathers and scales; with warm blood and cold.
Is it needy? It's not. We don't need each other. We just really, really enjoy each other. And we're good together. We're good people together. And I have the funniest feeling. I can really, truly touch this all, this happiness and the sadness too, I can trace all of it with my fingers. It isn't theoretical or distant. This feels like me. This is me. I love him, and, for the first time in a relationship, I also like me. Every time he says "I love you," I answer, "I believe you.
I met a young man who was wounded in love, I met another man who was wounded in hatred.
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