The secret to gaining the upper hand in a negotiation is to give the other side the illusion of control. Don't try to force your opponent to admit that you are right. Ask questions, that begin with 'How?' or 'What?' so your opponent uses mental energy to figure out the answer.
Interpretation
Gaining an advantage in negotiation involves allowing the opponent to feel in control while guiding the conversation.
In this quote, Christopher Voss emphasizes the importance of allowing the other party in a negotiation to feel empowered, which can lead to more productive discussions. By asking open-ended questions, you shift the cognitive burden onto them, allowing for a more favorable position for yourself without overt confrontation or pressure.
In practice
Using this quote in a business meeting to illustrate effective negotiation techniques.
When you expect to get into a negotiation, you expect to be faced by a guy that's going to attack you, a guy or gal that's going to attack or that they're going to try to get the best of you. Two-thirds of us, that makes us very defensive.
Price doesn't make deals, and salary doesn't control your career.
There are three kinds of yeses. There's commitment, confirmation, and counterfeit. People are most used to giving the counterfeit yes because they've been trapped by the confirmation yes so many times. So the way you master no is understanding what really happens when somebody says 'no.' When yes is commitment, no is protection.
The sweetest two words in any negotiation are actually, 'That's right.' Before you convince them to see what you're trying to accomplish, you have to say the things to them that will get them to say, 'That's right.'
Very few negotiations are begun and concluded in the same sitting. It's really rare. In fact, If you sit down and actually complete your negotiation in one sitting, you left stuff on the table.
The most dangerous negotiation is the one you don't know you're in.
There is nothing fast or easy about diplomacy. I have no illusions about that.
Everyone needs a coach. It doesn't matter whether you're a basketball player, a tennis player, a gymnast or a bridge player.
It's very important in a leadership role not to place your ego at the foreground and not to judge everything in relationship to how your ego is fed.
I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession, which I entered before my husband was in public life
Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
I was only the servant of my country and had I, at any moment, failed to express her unflinching resolve to fight and conquer, I should at once have been rightly cast aside.
Subscribe for the occasional hand-picked quote. No noise.