Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
Interpretation
This quote humorously presents a bleak weather forecast in a straightforward manner. It plays on expectations for more information by delivering an unexpected twist.
George Carlin's quote satirizes the often overly complex and overly positive nature of weather forecasts by presenting a blunt, yet amusingly bleak perspective on the night ahead. The humor lies in the simplicity and starkness of the observation, contrasting it with the typical embellishments we often expect from such reports.
In practice
Using this quote in a stand-up comedy routine about the unpredictability of weather.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy'.
Negative humor is forgotten immediately. It's the stuff that makes us feel better about our lives that lives long. Much more satisfying. Enter children's books.
I don't believe I can offend you in a comedy club. I don't believe I can offend you in a concert. A comedy club is a place where you work out material; you're trying material.
Let muggles manage without us!
A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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