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The painful thing is that when we buy into disapproval, we are practicing disapproval. When we buy into harshness, we are practicing harshness. The more we do it, the stronger these qualities become. How sad it is that we become so expert at causing harm to ourselves and others. The trick then is to practice gentleness and letting go. We can learn to meet whatever arises with curiosity and not make it such a big deal.
Pema Chodron
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Interpretation

What this quote means

The quote emphasizes the importance of practicing gentleness over harshness, suggesting that negativity can become a habit that harms ourselves and others.

Pema Chodron's quote highlights the tendency of individuals to internalize and perpetuate negativity, such as disapproval and harshness. It reminds us that through repeated engagement with these negative emotions, we not only inflict harm upon ourselves but also become skilled in practicing them. Instead, Chodron encourages a shift towards gentleness and curiosity in our interactions with the world, allowing us to break free from this cycle of negativity and embrace a more compassionate approach to ourselves and others.

Themes

GentlenessHarshnessNegativitySelf-HarmCuriosity

In practice

Example use cases

This quote could be shared in a self-help seminar to encourage personal growth.

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The spiritual journey involves going beyond hope and fear, stepping into unknown territory, continually moving forward. The most important aspect of being on the spiritual path may be just to keep moving.
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It's said that when we die, the four elements - earth, air, fire and water - dissolve one by one, each into the other, and finally just dissolve into space. But while we're living, we share the energy that makes everything, from a blade of grass to an elephant, grow and live and then inevitably wear out and die. This energy, this life force, creates the whole world.
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Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already. The ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are. That’s the ground, that’s what we study, that’s what we come to know with tremendous curiosity and interest.
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We have two alternatives: either we question our beliefs - or we don't. Either we accept our fixed versions of reality- or we begin to challenge them. In Buddha's opinion, to train in staying open and curious - to train in dissolving our assumptions and beliefs - is the best use of our human lives.
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