Life is a near-death experience.
George CarlinRead
Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?
Interpretation
This quote humorously questions the implications of being removed from a 'most wanted' list.
George Carlin uses his signature wit to explore the absurdity surrounding the FBI's 'Ten Most Wanted' list. He prompts us to consider the bizarre perspective of a criminal who might feel a sense of accomplishment or status from being recognized on such a notorious list, highlighting the humor in the way society views crime and notoriety.
In practice
This quote can be used in a comedy show to illustrate the absurdity of criminal culture.
Life is a near-death experience.
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car."
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.
If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.
July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so
I wouldn’t mind going to jail if I had three cellmates who played bridge
LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives.
I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.
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