For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.
Interpretation
Women often use conversation to build connections and maintain relationships.
Deborah Tannen's quote highlights the idea that for many women, conversation serves as a tool for creating rapport and fostering emotional connections. It suggests that women may prioritize relational dynamics in their communication style, using dialogue not just to convey information, but to nurture bonds and navigate interpersonal relationships.
In practice
In a workshop on effective communication, this quote can be used to illustrate how women may approach conversations differently.
Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference.
Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between.
The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.
Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else.
Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture.
Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.
Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.
Well, wouldn't it have been easier if she'd just asked me whether I liked her better than you?" "Girls don't often ask questions like that," said Hermione. "Well, they should!" said Harry forcefully.
Maggie, we're through with lies and liars in this house. Lock the door.
She was disappearing a little more each day, so thin, so frail, a wisp of smoke. One day she would surely vanish altogether, and there was no way to stop her.
If I'm with a man, is that going to prevent me from achieving my goal? What sacrifices will I have to make in terms of being myself, if I'm with a man? Something that young women find out really quickly is that when you start dating, all of a sudden you're supposed to have a role. You're not allowed to just be yourself.
Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, lives, and behaviors of others. They react to their own problems, pains, and behaviors.
Subscribe for the occasional hand-picked quote. No noise.