The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.
Interpretation
The double bind is a subtle but powerful communication dilemma that can trap individuals without them realizing it.
In this quote, Deborah Tannen highlights the complexity of the double bind, a situation where a person receives contradictory messages or demands, leading to confusion and distress. The comparison to a silenced gun emphasizes how these traps can be insidious and difficult to detect, causing harm without obvious signs.
In practice
In a workshop on communication, this quote could illustrate the complexities of interpersonal relationships.
Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference.
Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between.
For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.
Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else.
Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture.
Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.
The most important thing to me is, how, in the process of learning how to use my body, can I come to understand myself ?
Idleness is the parent of psychology.
Women sit or move to and fro, some old, some young, / The young are beautiful--but the old are more beautiful than the young.
Fiction shows the external effects of internal conditions. Be aware of the tension between internal and external movement.
Objectivity is impossible and it is also undesirable. That is, if it were possible it would be undesirable, because if you have any kind of a social aim, if you think history should serve society in some way; should serve the progress of the human race; should serve justice in some way, then it requires that you make your selection on the basis of what you think will advance causes of humanity.
This process is alchemy: its founder is the smith Vulcan.
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