It can be the best of relationships and the worst of relationships - often at the same time. The bond between a mother and daughter is one of the strongest, but it's also among the most complicated.
Interpretation
The mother-daughter relationship is deeply complex, embodying both love and conflict.
In this quote, Deborah Tannen emphasizes the dual nature of the mother-daughter relationship, highlighting that it can simultaneously evoke both affection and tension. This complexity often leads to a strong emotional bond that is layered with unique challenges, making the relationship one of the most profound yet complicated connections in life.
In practice
During a speech about family dynamics, one might use this quote to discuss the complexities of parent-child relationships.
Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference.
Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between.
The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.
For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.
Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else.
Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture.
When you are suffering, you become more understanding about yourself, but also about other people's sufferings too. That's the first step to understand somebody is to understand their sufferings. So then love follows.
People are supposed to care. It's good that people mean something to you, that you miss people when they're gone.
Groups break up because they never got across what they wanted to do personally, and they have creative differences, and egos start to clash.
These kids at the Ali Forney Center are literally dumped by their families because of the fact that they are lesbian, gay, or transgender - this organization really is saving lives.
There is no reconciliation until you recognize the dignity of the other, until you see their view- you have to enter into the pain of the people. You've got to feel their need.
The need to become a separate self is as urgent as the yearning to merge forever. And as long as we, not our mother, initiate parting, and as long as our mother remains reliably there, it seems possible to risk, and even to revel in, standing alone.
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