Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
It's never what people do that makes us angry; it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.
Interpretation
What this quote means
Our emotions are shaped by our interpretations of others' actions rather than the actions themselves.
This quote emphasizes the idea that our anger and reactions are not solely based on what another person does, but rather on the narratives and thoughts we create about those actions. It suggests that by changing our interpretations, we can alter our emotional responses, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and perspective in managing our feelings.
Themes
AngerInterpretationSelf-AwarenessEmotionsPerspective
In practice
Example use cases
In a workshop on emotional intelligence, to illustrate how perceptions shape emotions.
More from Marshall B. Rosenberg
All quotes βWhether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
In nonviolent communication, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
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So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: βIs this person in between me and what I want to do?β If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when youβre in charge, donβt hire the people who were jerky to you.
Tina FeyRead